Home groups, small groups, connect groups, hubs...whatever you want
to call them, midweek church gatherings come in all shapes and sizes,
but tend to have more than a few things in common. The people, for
example. Here are seven people you're likely to find in any small group.
The Needy One
There's always one over-sharer. The Needy One turns
up early every week without fail, and manages to shoehorn a detailed
story from their personal life into every discussion, regardless of the
context. Keep them away from new people if you don't want to hear about
their upbringing. Again.
Most likely to say: "This reminds me of the time I..."
The Absent One
This elusive fellow signed up at the beginning of term, but is yet to
turn up to a single meeting or respond to your overly-enthusiastic
pastoral emails. You're starting to doubt he even exists.
Most likely to say: Literally nothing.
The Overly-Enthusiastic Pray-er
While everyone else is surreptitiously checking their watches or
doing the universal end of prayer shuffle, The Overly-Enthusiastic
Pray-er remains lamenting the lost souls of somewhere-or-other and
listing all ten of the group's individual prayer requests at great
length. You have often considered signing them up for some kind of
memory-based gameshow, but they don't watch TV. Too busy praying.
Most likely to say: "Oh, daddy God. We come before you today..."
The One with the Complicated Dietary Requirements
No wheat, no gluten, no eggs, no dairy, no nuts, no soy, no shellfish
and no peas (she doesn't like those). You've taken to jokingly
suggesting that she brings her own food, but your shrill laughter
betrays the fact that you are not actually joking at all.
Most likely to say: "Oh I can't have basil, sorry."
The Silent One
Like The Absent One, only this guy turns up most weeks. The Silent
One is yet to contribute to a discussion or offer any thoughts on
anything, but when pushed, will make a prayer request. It's always the
same – he's got a big meeting tomorrow.
Most likely to say: "..."
The Smug Marrieds
This couple met while on the prayer team at Soul Survivor. They bring
homemade pies they made on date night and like to finish each other's
sentences. They refuse to separate into different prayer groups because
they "don't have any secrets" and you suspect they are considering a
joint Facebook account.
Most likely to say: "This one time, in marriage prep..."
The One who Wishes They Were Leading
This guy relishes any opportunity to share his vast and impressive
knowledge on all the subjects. Prone to turning a simple point into a
20-minute sermon, he listens to Tim Keller at the gym and has at least
three Bible apps on his phone. One of them is in Hebrew.
Most likely to say: "I think you'll find in the orginal Greek this means..."
The One who Thinks They are a Biblical Expert
Often sitting next to The One who Wishes They Were Leading, this guy
likes to make complex and possibly heretical points while everyone looks
at the floor and hopes he stops speaking soon. You notice the leaders
desperately trying to process his reasoning and work out if he needs a
'pastoral chat'.
Most likely to say: "When Paul says he's in prison, I think it's probably metaphorical..."
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